Please tell me you know who I am

I decided to watch Silence in the Library and Forest of the Dead again! But this time I wanted to try watching everything from River's point of view. Like all this happens after the eleventh Doctor for her. (As it does, from her point of view, but not from ours or the Doctor's.) It's really sad to think that this really is her last adventure with the Doctor.

This following text is somewhat of a mix of my random thoughts about the episode, a sort of bad transcript, and me trying to make sense of how this must have looked from River's perspective in what almost sounds like literature. Yes, I love writing long texts about useless subjects. ;)

~*~

At this point she has gotten her life back on track somehow, is out of jail, and has become a professor.

When she first meets the tenth Doctor in the library, she greets him with her trademark "Hello Sweetie." She obviously believes he knows her. Every time she has called for him, he has always known her. So of course, why should this time be any different? He answers "Get out!", and tries to shove them all out of there. She just ignores him (as usual). She's used to bantering with him, I guess she just thinks he's in a bad mood.

He keeps on appearing to not know her, "tell me you're not archeologists". She seems to take this as sarcasm, and plays along, introducing herself and shaking his hand. "River Song, archeologist."

They keep talking, everything she says can be taken both ways I think. For a new viewer she doesn't know him, for a returning viewer, she knows him, just talking a bit neutrally. River asks if he think there is danger there. "Something came to this library and killed everything in it. Killed a whole world. Danger? Could be." "That was 100 years ago. The Library's been silent for 100 years. Whatever came here is long dead", River says. "Bet your life?" he says, and River replies with a smile, "Always." A look passes between them. I love it. Like always, like they always do.

Some explaining later she calls him "pretty boy", telling him to come with her. This is a new line for her, she's never called the older Doctor anthing like this as far as we've seen in the show. But since this is in the future, their relationship has probably evolved. He doesn't react to this until Donna points it out.

Aw, and then she thanks him for coming when she calls, as usual. He seems confused, and she comments, a bit exasperated, "You're doing a great job of acting like you don't know me, I'm assuming there's a reason." She probably thinks he's mad at her. I think she meets Ten some time before this, after this for him. I just think of it as an unwritten story in Moffat's head somewhere. And then she tries to compare journals. I guess the future doctor does this with her, like the 1109-year-old-Doctor does in The Impossible Astronaut. "Hmm, going by your face, I'd say it's early days for you, yeah?"

Then she asks him if they have done "Crash of the Bysanthium" yet. I wonder a bit about this line, because later we see that she does that one with Eleven. Most likely this is just a bit of information the writers chose to ignore in favor of telling a good story, but the fact that she asks him this tells us that she doesn't know if this one is before or after Eleven. But the "early days"-line suggests otherwise. Meh, it's a show about time travel, they can't get everything right.

She tries mentioning more adventures, but he just stares blankly at her. This seems to sink in with her after a couple of more tries. She stares back, and apparently sees something in his eyes. "Look at you, you're young!" And of course, he is, to her, comparing with the other versions she knows. She touches his face. "You're younger than I've ever seen you!" He looks at her confused and answers "...You've seen me before, then...?"

And this is where it dawns on her. "Doctor... please tell me you know who I am." Oh, my heart breaks a little bit for her here. Especially after what she says to Rory in The Impossible Astronaut:

When I first met the Doctor, a long, long time ago... he knew all about me. Think about that. Impressionable young girl, and suddenly this man just drops out of the sky, he's clever and mad and wonderful and knows every last thing about her. Imagine what that does to a girl. Trouble is, it's all back to front. My past is his future. We're travelling in opposite directions. Every time we meet, I know him more, he knows me less. I live for the days when I see him. But I know that every time I do, he'll be one step further away. And the day is coming, when I'll look into that man's eyes... my Doctor... and he won't have the faintest idea who I am. And I think it's going to kill me.

(I've written about this before, but just have to say it again, she doesn't mean literally kill here, how would she know?)

Oh, I feel for her. Finally, this wonderful, mad man she's known most of her life, doesn't recognize her. What a shock it must be to be at this point. (Amazing acting by Alex.) After the alarm goes off we get a little look at her face in the background when the others is talking, you can see that she's trying to prcess this.

Some more stuff happens, and at one point she feels the need to tell the others that she trusts the Doctor with her life. "You've only just met him!" "Nope, he's only just met me."

The Doctor works on the floor looking for the Vashta Nerada, and River, Donna and the others stands back and waits. River looks at the Doctor and explains the situation to Donna;

"Oh, God, do I know that man. We go way back, that man and me... just not this far back. He hasn't met me yet. I sent him a message but it went wrong. It arrived too early. This is the Doctor in the days before he knew me. And he looks at me... he looks right through me, and it shouldn't kill me, but it does."

Ah, there's the bit about killing. Clever man, Moffat.

And she appears to know Donna's future. Of course she does, since when she travels with the eleventh Doctor, she isn't around. She probably think it's strange, or fascinating to meet someone from his past.

And boom— she surprises him by showing him her sonic screwdriver. I guess she hasn't had this for very long. And this must make quite an impression on him, because like he says later, he wouldn't give that to just anyone. And there's pretty much no chance she got it elsewhere. And then he grabs Donna by the hand and runs to the teleports, sending her away.

Oh, and when they run from the swarm in the suit, she grabs his hand too. Parallels, I love them. And then he comments on her screwdriver. "I'm not anyone."

They run some more, and when they stop, the others once again question her why they should trust the Doctor, and who he is. "The only story you'll ever tell — if you survive him." I love that line. Very fitting and true. Anita comments that he doesn't seem to know her or trust her, and she snaps, "There's a tiny problem. He hasn't met me yet." and walks over to the Doctor.

Ohgod, and then she tells him to be less emotional. The Pond girls... they know that's when he makes mistakes. She knows this will be the man she loves, even though he doesn't know her here. He has all the same flaws. They argue a little, and then Lux suddenly interupts, "For Heaven's sake! Look at the pair of you! We're all gonna die right here, and you're just squabbling like an old married couple!" And a look passes between River and the Doctor. Moffaaat!

And River realizes that they can't keep arguing like this when there are lives at stake, so she decides to break one of her oldest rules. Reveal a spoiler to make him trust her. And she whispers his name in his ear. She apologises before she does it, too. I wonder what the deal about his name is. I don't want to know, that will only ruin the mystery, but still. And he's completly shocked. Stares at her. Doesn't answer at first when she talks to him. Probably hasn't heard his own name said out loud... ever? Since before he ran from Gallifrey? "Are we good?" "...yeah. Yeah, we're good." and then he's back into full Doctor-mode again. This is also a parallel I can see between 11 and 10, they are very good at switching the subject very quickly when they are a bit uncomfortable.

Later, River comments she wishes the Doctor was there. Aw, she misses Eleven.

"You know when you see a photograph of someone you know but it's from years before you met them, and it's like they're not quite... finished, they're- they're not quite done yet? Well... yes, the Doctor's here. He came when I called just like he always does. But not my Doctor. Now, my Doctor... I've seen whole armies turn and run away, and he'd just swagger off back to his TARDIS and open the doors with a snap of his fingers. The Doctor... in the TARDIS — next stop: everywhere."

Oh my, this is where I start to lose it. The music in the background... Oh, my heart. Of course, yes, this is the Doctor in a way, but not the man she loves, not the one she desperatly misses and wishes is here to flirt with her and support her and be generally eccentric. Not the man she thought would appear when she sent out the message. Bit of a cruel twist of fate. I picture Eleven when she speaks. Ohgodthatmusicinthebackground. Ohgod, I get chills at the way she says "everywhere".

When she opens the lift down to the computer mainframe, that's when he first really admits to being impressed. "Oh, I bet I like you." "Oh, you do."

And then he starts planning using his own mind to transfer the saved people. "You'll burn out both your hearts, and don't think you'll regenerate!" And he tells her to shut up, just like Eleven would. "I hate you sometimes!" Aw, more parallels to Eleven, though he replies differently here, "I know!" She leaves. She comes back. She knocks him out. She takes his place in the chair to to the job for him. He wakes up handcuffed to the wall. "you wouldn't have a chance, and neither do I!"

River: Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you -the real you, the future you, I mean-you turned up on my doorstep with a new haircut and a suit. You took me to Darillium to see the Singing Towers. Oh, what a night that was. The towers sang...and you cried. You wouldn't tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time, my time, time to come to The Library. You even gave me your sonic screwdriver. That should have been a clue. If you die here, it'll mean I've never met you!

The Doctor: Time can be rewritten!

River: Not those times. Not one line. Don't you dare. It's okay. It's okay, it's not over for you. You'll see me again. You've got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run.

And he knows. He know what she must mean to him in the future. He tells her that time could be rewritten so that she could be saved, but she refuses. She wouldn't have missed that time for anything. "River, you know my name. You whispered my name in my ear. There's only one reason I would ever tell anyone my name. There's only one time I could."

Hush now... Spoilers.

And she's gone.

And then he realizes his future self must have figured out a way to save her.

When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it will never end. But however hard you try, you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies, and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of the all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever, for one moment, accepts it.

And he manages, just in the nick of time, to upload her consciousness to the library mainframe. (Ah, but... her body is gone from the chair?)

Now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair and the Doctor comes to call... Everybody lives.

~*~

But — however much I love this episode, I am a bit uncomfortable with the ending. I'm glad he saves her... But... Is that really a fitting end for River Song?

~*~

Other thoughts, random or unrelated to River:

• Nice, they're using apple keyboards!
• It's actually a bit creepy that she's in an astronaut suit...
• I love the little part where "other Dave" is getting scolded by Lux for taking orders from the Doctor. "You're taking orders from him?" While they speak the Doctor suddenly walks in and barks "Torch!" and Lux just gives it to him without thinking. "Spooky, isn't it?"
• Man, David Tennant sure is pretty. *stares*
• Ahaha, the face the Doctor makes right before he teleports Donna away. "Donna, let me explain!"
• Love the tiny nudge/zoom with the camera when the Doctor figures out the saved/safe-bit.
• Lovelovelove the way the Doctor stands at that lift when they are going down.
• I would have loved it if it was Lee that Donna ended up marrying in the end. Would have been very fitting.