I don't wanna go!

AKA "My problems with the tenth Doctor's regeneration". This doesn't mean that I hate the tenth Doctor, just to be clear! I loved Ten, but his final episode didn't turn out at all the way I wanted, and it ruined him a little bit for me. So I'm warning all the "End of Time" fans right now, I hated Ten's exit with a passion. Don't read this if you think it might insult you.

Vale Decem.

I started watching Doctor Who at series 1's first episode Rose, as I guess many other New Whovians did. I loved Chris Eccleston as the Doctor, but I didn't break down in tears when the time came for him to change. I have a bad habit of reading a lot of backstory and such before I watch a new show, so I had come across a spoiler and was kind of prepared for it. His regeneration was very fitting. I loved how his last words were about how he and Rose were fantastic, and he went with a smile on his face.

And then he was replaced by David Tennant, who simply blew my mind with his portrayal of the next Doctor. He was just so much fun! I actually felt more upbeat and in a good mood after watching one of his episodes, whether it was funny or more dramatic. He was always so energetic, hyper, and rarely stopped talking. This was a bit of a cooler, younger doctor than the previous one. And I really liked the "Larger than life"-aspect of Ten, if that makes any sense outside my head. ("People have waited over a hundred years to find me, and then you manage it in a couple of hours.") I grew really attached to him, and I dreaded watching his last episode.

But the time came, and boy was I disappointed.

I had managed to be spoiled about the cause of this regeneration as well, so the Wilf-aspect wasn't a big surprise. I'm glad he saved Wilf, and I'm glad Wilf tried to tell him not to. But I never expected the Doctor to react the way he did! In almost any previous episode, he’s been prepared to die if he has to. And why shouldn't he? He comes back after he dies, for christ's sake! And just five minutes earlier he's prepared to sacrifice himself to get rid of Rassillon, but when after he hears the four knocks... he cries? Throws a tantrum? And before that, all the talking about another man replacing him? You are a Time Lord goddamnit, you have done this before, you big sissy! You aren't going to die!

Wilf. Poor Wilf. How could the Doctor just leave him like this?

So yeah, at that point I was quite a bit disappointed with how things had progressed. I didn't want him to regenerate alone, this great Doctor I had came to love so much. So I was relieved when he went to see his friends. But I just wanted him to find some friends to be with when it happened, not say goodbye to everyone like he would never see them again. And it drags out forever! I don't see the logic in the sad goodbye, because when you are going to be back from the dead soon, that wasn't a goodbye, it was a "Goodbye friends, I'll be back soon, but you will never gaze upon this pretty face ever again."

And he only seem to give poor Wilf more grief when he leaves. Poor Wilf! How could the Doctor just leave him like this? I can't believe the Doctor would let him live the rest of his life thinking he killed a man. (I really wish the eleventh Doctor would go back and tell him he's fine, and that he doesn't blame him.)

It was sort of a nice touch that he does goes to see Rose right before the end, even though I really disliked Rose (selfish bitch). And then sees an Ood, and stumbles into the TARDIS all by himself. So much for "being with friends in the end". Well, then I sort of accepted it, and thought "okay, he's going to die alone, fine, please just smile a little before you go." But he looks sad for a little while, the camera zooms in on his face, and in desperation he suddenly exclaims "I don't wanna go!" and explodes in a yellow light....

The TARDIS goes with him...

I am sorry, but what the fuck?? I have NEVER EVER been so disappointed with a TV show in my life! And I watch a lot of TV. I was really sad before this, tears running, not wanting him to leave, and then suddenly, it all turned into one big WTF-moment. I think I spent an hour or two complaining about it to my very nice flatmate, who had patience enough to listen to me rant. I wanted the amazing tenth Doctor to go out with a smile on his face like the previous one did. But he kept doing the opposite of everything I hoped for.

Really??? "I don't wanna go!" are gonna be your last words? Way to go out with a wimper! That was a terrible, terrible way to end him.

I get that the Doctor was happy with his current form, and didn't want to change. But that still doesn't change the fact that there was something really off about this episode. It sort of felt like the lines between the real world and the show's world blurred together, and that's usually never a good thing. It felt like the writer Russel T. Davies was writing this as the loss of the actor instead of the character. I just couldn't quite understand what the motivation for the Doctor's actions were. What was his problem?

Is it that he's actually going to die, with no regeneration? No, nothing points to the fact that he isn't coming back. Of course, the viewers know that the show isn't going to be cancelled, so that's one. The only indicator we get to the possibility that he's going to properly die, is the woman in Planet of the Dead. Why would he believe her? And why continue being whiny after he gets radiation poisoned? Because he's actually regenerated from that cause before.

Is it that he's sad about losing a body that he's comfortable in? I can understand that. But that's absolutly no reason to go on a meaningless trip to say goodbye to everyone when he's going to come back soon. Did he think he wouldn't care about them anymore after he regenerates? What about Sarah Jane, the Brigadier etc? He still loves them six regenerations later. There was no need for the goodbyes.

So what was the deal with this episode? I feel like it all boiled down to one thing. Russel T. Davies saying goodbye through the Doctor. And that made the episode make no sense at all.

And the way he acted in these two last episodes completly degraded the new Doctor. "Still feels like dying", "Some new man goes sauntering away." What are we supposed to make of this? That the new man that replaces him won't be the Doctor? He has regenerated so many times before! Does he mean he's not the same man as Nine was? Isn't that like a big slap in the face to the fans? "No new Doctor will ever be as good as me"? I can't understand what the writer was thinking here. I really don't. This really ruined Ten for me. I just can't look at him the same way I did before.

Wow, look at that, he's not dead! What a surprise.

And then he changes, and his new form is extactic to be alive. When I rewatch this now, I feel like that sudden change in music was very fitting for the eleventh Doctor, but back then it kind of put me off that the mood changed so fast. I went from "Please don't die" before he regenerated, to "WTF was that" at his last words. to "Eeeh" when the mood suddenly changed. It felt a little weird after all that sadness.

And then I just sat there in disappointment/shock, not wanting to watch series 5. I had actually been looking forward to it, but after all the talk about the next Doctor "not being the same man" etc, it just felt wrong. (I didn't watch this when it aired by the way, the series 5 christmas special had aired at this point.)

But the next day I started The Eleventh Hour, and boy, the eleventh Doctor turned out to be even more Doctor than Ten was. So there, RTD, in your face.